So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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