He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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