I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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