I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
