how hairy? two words: wookie tits
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i think my cat just said my name.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
