insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
