Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
