Your dad touched me again.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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