I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
