he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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