I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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