So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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