It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
