yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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