NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
