Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
