Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
