I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If that was your dad, he is hot
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
