Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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