I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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