you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need moral support for this bender
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
