"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
