so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
