I wannas sexs uuuuu
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
