Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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