Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
