I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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