Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
