Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
