Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
