Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
