Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize