At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
