Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
