needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
