just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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