I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
