3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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