So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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