She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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