hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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