I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
