Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This is the high leading the old right now
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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