escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize