I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
