well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
