I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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