At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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