just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
