if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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