We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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