apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
