Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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