I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
