that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
