ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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