i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
