I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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