I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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