I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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