I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
