this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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