so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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