I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
