Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
